Forgive & Forget

Come to think about it now, I don’t really forgive even if I say I do, when I look deep, very deep in, I find myself still hurt, I mean somebody can say or do something that could really make me upset, then they admit their fault and say sorry. But when it’s already happened, it’s out there and no one can take it back! I may say I forgive but I know when I remember what they did still hurts, time is not really on my side when it comes to those issues, it always hurts. I used to prefer keeping distance from people who once treated me harshly, just playing it safe..

I can’t really talk about forgiveness. I am the least forgiving person you could ever meet. But, time change, and people change. Now, that I’m forgiving. I meant I can really forgive. Unfortunately, there is another big trait that I have to deal with that is ‘to not remember‘, so called to ‘forget‘.

It’s amazing how the past never dies. I think I should try my best to forgive, but sometimes I don’t mean to bury things inside, they just find a place to hide. And when someone goes digging around, they resurface and left me to deal with all the hurts and pains again. I know it all so well. Trust me I do. Sometimes, if I just think about the everyday thing, somehow I find myself remembering the past, and it slowly stabs away at my insides.

Frustration, anger and pain are smothered by my everyday events that have accumulated and piled up over the years that I really think I am at peace with the past.

One question leads to another. When people ask, I begin answering by smiling and laughing my way out of it. People look at me in horror, and the topic really isn’t funny. Sympathetic looks pierce their way right into me, then the shocked looks and the ‘ouch’ come in, until the spade their digging with hits the right spot and pierces a hole through the cover of that painful past and unveils what I (un)intentionally have been trying to keep buried for years. I thought I was all cried out. Then, I know my thought was wrong.

I find my way now.. I thank myself that I finally realized. I need to learn not only to forgive, but the most important I should learn how ‘to not remember’. I should learn how to FORGET!

If I ever been cheated by anyone who close to me, at the moment I forgive him/her, I will NOT ASKED anything anymore! The pain is enough for me. And if this is going to consume my daily life, even if for a little while, then I should let go of it and move on. Because if I don’t, I know the next thing I will see is my life passes me by.

I guess, what is in the past its place is in the past. I should not bring it into my present and I won’t carry it on to my future. I would say.. Pain sucks (pardon me). Now, that I am telling myself to try to forgive and to forget just because it’s so much healthier. Living with regrets, sorrows, stress, bad memories in general- is just not worth it. And I believe I deserve BETTER!

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