Forgive & Forget
Come to think about it now, I don’t really forgive even if I say I do, when I look deep, very deep in, I find myself still hurt, I mean somebody can say or do something that could really make me upset, then they admit their fault and say sorry. But when it’s already happened, it’s out there and no one can take it back! I may say I forgive but I know when I remember what they did still hurts, time is not really on my side when it comes to those issues, it always hurts. I used to prefer keeping distance from people who once treated me harshly, just playing it safe..
I can’t really talk about forgiveness. I am the least forgiving person you could ever meet. But, time change, and people change. Now, that I’m forgiving. I meant I can really forgive. Unfortunately, there is another big trait that I have to deal with that is ‘to not remember‘, so called to ‘forget‘.
It’s amazing how the past never dies. I think I should try my best to forgive, but sometimes I don’t mean to bury things inside, they just find a place to hide. And when someone goes digging around, they resurface and left me to deal with all the hurts and pains again. I know it all so well. Trust me I do. Sometimes, if I just think about the everyday thing, somehow I find myself remembering the past, and it slowly stabs away at my insides.
Frustration, anger and pain are smothered by my everyday events that have accumulated and piled up over the years that I really think I am at peace with the past.
One question leads to another. When people ask, I begin answering by smiling and laughing my way out of it. People look at me in horror, and the topic really isn’t funny. Sympathetic looks pierce their way right into me, then the shocked looks and the ‘ouch’ come in, until the spade their digging with hits the right spot and pierces a hole through the cover of that painful past and unveils what I (un)intentionally have been trying to keep buried for years. I thought I was all cried out. Then, I know my thought was wrong.
I find my way now.. I thank myself that I finally realized. I need to learn not only to forgive, but the most important I should learn how ‘to not remember’. I should learn how to FORGET!
If I ever been cheated by anyone who close to me, at the moment I forgive him/her, I will NOT ASKED anything anymore! The pain is enough for me. And if this is going to consume my daily life, even if for a little while, then I should let go of it and move on. Because if I don’t, I know the next thing I will see is my life passes me by.
I guess, what is in the past its place is in the past. I should not bring it into my present and I won’t carry it on to my future. I would say.. Pain sucks (pardon me). Now, that I am telling myself to try to forgive and to forget just because it’s so much healthier. Living with regrets, sorrows, stress, bad memories in general- is just not worth it. And I believe I deserve BETTER!
Uncategorized | Comments (2)The Price of a Friendship
I don’t know what will be the best title to put.. If I can remember correctly, a girl friend of mine said something sounded like ‘ya.. let the money buy our friendship‘. So, it’s sounded more like ‘The Price of a Friendship’. I reckon it is.. So, here is what I would like to say about what is friend and friendship means to me..
What it means to have friends. Means a lot actually, simple reasons could be formed groups to go out with and have fun, or it could be simple people you just meet and never want to forget their names one-timers as I’d call them. It could also mean people you message through e-mail, SMS or IM.
Complex reasons would be like if you make friends are you willing keep them through thick and thin obstacles? Sacrificing yourself to save them? Or if fights go on are you willing to put aside your differences and start over? Forgive them for minor wrongdoings? Ask them as well if Cliques really mattered? These things and questions are what’s included in a build yourself friendship kit. I have still much to learn while i went through it all it was not easy and it still isn’t which is why i chose to have a few close friends because when I had a lot I never kept them, left them because we never talked or hung out so I decided to prevent this a few close ones i stuck with, some good, some bad some perfect.
Throughout our lives we encounter many people. We make friends, disconnect from old friends and maybe even later re-connect with those we have lost. Time passes, friends move, we move, they change and we change. When we are young we look for a best friend, someone we can trust with all of our secrets and to play on the playground with. As we get older we will look for someone who we can still trust and share our most memorable experiences with. We will look for someone to be our partner in crime and who will be the shoulder to lean on through all the bad times.
When we’re younger our friendships mean the world to us and we believe that person will be with us forever. Friendships are just like relationships, they take work. Sometimes people evolve into different people and that friendship no longer works. We grow apart and realize it is no longer working. So what happens then? Do we simply do our separate ways and never speak to each other every again or choose to take a different road and maybe one day you can start all over.
It happened to me previously with my close boy friend(very close as in like brother and sister), and it happened to me again not a while ago with my girl friends, and so, I decided to write this to say a million ‘thank you’ for all your kindness, concerns and help. Guys, you know who you are. I am touched, and I just can’t find the best words to express how grateful I am to have you as my good and best friends. You are all at my heart.
I believe we make and lose friends for a reason. We have to lose friends in order to appreciate the ones who will stick by us. There will be different friends for the many stages of life we will go through. There will be friends whom we barely know but feel so connected to, ones who will be our family and ones who really will be friends forever. I NEVER ever can buy a friendship.. Friendship is PRICELESS..
Uncategorized | Comment (1)