So Much in Pain…

I don’t know why I’m posting this. I’m sitting on my bed right now on the verge of tears, the pain is so bad. It getting worst when I first rise up in the morning, and at the end of the day, just before I off to bed. I have a pinched nerve in my neck causing my right arm and fingers to tingle. The pain is back.. Today, I went to the hospital again.. My doctor has prescribed Tramadol and a jab to kill the pain. I had a nerve conduction study done a while back. For I don’t know how many times, the doctor told me that I need the spinal cervical fusion on the level c4/5, which means I need an artificial disc surgery to replace the column on my upper spine. And today, he told me that I might have the Cervical osteoarthritis (to be honest, I don’t understand a word what he was telling me..!!!), recommended me to go for another MRI (thorough scan on the cervical, thoracic, and lumbar discograms- will be my 3rd MRIs for this year of 2007), and also set an appointment with another specialist(I can’t recall what kind of specialist… All I know is something to do with nerve). Can’t describe how I really feels at the moment. I feels deep down, depress, and scared.. Damn..!! I can’t even close my eyes. I’m so worry that my brain just can’t stop thinking about it.. I’m tired of the diagnostic procedures and physio therapy sessions, sick of the drugs, and I don’t want to go for the surgery!  I know I may have no choice, but as long as I can function I will not do it. I know what I have now. Surgery could make it worse (I don’t know..). I just wish that I can opt for another therapist..

I heard Pool therapy is the best treatment.. Not sure how true it is though.. I did go to see the chiropractor, but unfortunately, nothing improve. I feel worse day by day.. The more I am going through (specialists; chiropractor; seek for friends’ opinion and advise, the more pain I’d feel). The more MRIs, produced more diagnostic evidence. I have gotten 2 opinions on new scans so far, each adding more info. How many do I need to go to before the full diagnostic picture is noted? And how long do I have to wait until the pain dissapear? That are the most important questions that I have in my mind and yet to be answered. And even if I’m considering, until it is, surgery will have to wait, if appropriate at all. It’s no wonder patients are often repeatedly in with poor outcomes - their diagnostic evidence and symptoms are not properly investigated to start with.  I’ve now been told that my condition is inoperable without making it worse. 

I’m only 29, but right now I feel OLD!!! I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m sorry to rant so much, but I just feel like crap right now. If I feel this bad at 29, I can’t WAIT to see how I feel in another 26 years from now.

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